Sunday, January 15, 2012

The Zipper Effect

Some Advice........

As your young one starts to grasp the concept of "how things work" be prepared for some scars and frustraion. The main enemy my case is the "Automatic, Continuous Clothing Closure" aka the Zipper.

While they may be the "cutest pj's of all times" with prints of the cutest monkey you have ever seen, feet that look like a duck and that little whore Dora the Explorer,  they are only hours away from being conquered and stripped off in the middle of the night like Houdini. An hour or so later the escape artist will start to whine and complain that they, for some reason, are extrmely cold and  in need of some help. 

This is not made by a phone call or email, that you can ignore, but as a whine, cry and then fit of frustration leading to crib shaking and sreams rage.This only happens as you finally fall back asleep after the 2:00 diaper change.

You will wonder......"does my wife hear this and why the Hell is she not getting up?" Note: After a couple Martinis she will finally admit she hears this but does not give a shit.

After throwing the covers off, "accidentally" kicking your spouse to make sure they know who is getting up and making your way to  the room, you find your child naked and freezing their ass off. Asking yourself in a daze "did I forget to clothe my little one?" No of course not! Then you will start to curse Carters, Disney or whoever made these stupid ass pj's.

The other horrible part of them learning how to zip and unzip is that they want to do this to any and all zippers. I still have not lost my baby weight and am a fan of the XL black zip up sweater. Any and every time I hold my precious, she loves to play with my zipper. Only to zip it up as hard as she can it always gets caught  in my overweight  chubby second chin. Resulting in a shriek of displeasure and many cuts and scabs of previous zipper mishaps. DOWN WITH THE ZIPPER!

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